You like to laugh once
in awhile, right?
Sometimes I think we
Internet marketers take life a little TOO seriously.
Occasionally, however, ya just gotta get way from the 'ol keyboard,
crack open a few cold ones with a couplea friends, and laugh
a little!
Recently I came across a
free little ebook by fellow marketer Larry Dotson that I think will
do the trick!
It's called, "You
Might Be Addicted to Internet Marketing If..."
You guys and gals have
been working so hard since you joined Big
Dogs that I wanted you to relax a little today... and, by golly,
LAUGH a little!
Below Larry's
introduction you'll find 200 one-liners, and you'll find out if
YOU'RE "addicted to Internet marketing."
Myself, I musta found at
least a dozen of these one-liners that applied to me - little jokes
that left me laughin' at myself and this wild world of Internet
marketing. I highlighted these
particular ones in red and also made a comment or two.
So relax, enjoy, and fer
g'ness sakes, LAUGH a little!
Stan
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Introduction, by Larry
Dotson: "I Have A Confession…"
My name is Larry Dotson
and I'm an Internet marketing-aholic. I've been an Internet
marketing junkie for over 8 years
now. You may have heard of me.
I live, breathe, eat and
sleep Internet marketing. Now, that doesn't mean I'm the most
successful Internet marketer in the
world, it just means I have an addiction...lol.
Even if I had enough
money to retire and live very comfortably till the day I die, I
doubt I'd give up my
home-based business or promoting products over the Internet.
I just enjoy being an
Internet entrepreneur way too much. :)
Sometimes we all take
Internet marketing and our small business a little too seriously.
So I wanted to write a funny e-book
about all the humor involved in running and promoting
an online business.
This e-book contains a
collection of 200 hilarious red flags that may signal that you are
addicted to Internet marketing. ;)
Some of the red flags may be a little exaggerated and some
are dead on - just ask my wife.
Your fellow Internet
marketing addict,
Larry Dotson
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
You Might Be
Addicted To
Internet Marketing If…
1) Your significant
other asks you to get off the computer and you tell them two more
minutes, but they know that means two
more hours.
2) You are running out
of computer space from all the marketing e-books and software
you have bought and downloaded.
3) You think a night out
on the town is drinking a beer while hanging out in an Internet
marketing forum.
4) You take your laptop
with you to play a round of golf.
5) You take your laptop
to the bathroom instead of a newspaper or magazine.
6) You wake up in the
middle of the night to write down a hot product idea that just came
to you because you are afraid you
might forget it by morning.
7) You jump from one
project to another one just before the first one is ready to launch
because you feel it's going to be a
hit, and because you simply can't stop thinking about it.
8) You arrive at a
grocery store without noticing the 15-minute trip, because you were
too busy listening to "How to
Become a Millionaire" tape.
9) You notice your
spouse staring you in the face, waiting for your answer, while you
have no idea what the question was.
So you say, "Of course, honey..."
10) You let your bills
pile up on your kitchen table, even though you have money to pay
them, because you're too busy writing
a new book and plan to pay your bills when your book
is done (unless you start a new one!).
11) You go to your
mailbox in your pajamas, at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, because you
forgot to change when you woke up and
went straight to your home office.
12) You rarely sit down
to read a book or watch a movie unless you know you'll learn
something new, get a great business
idea, or come up with a new article title from it.
13) You play a Monopoly
game with your 8-year old when you realize you're thinking
about how nice it would be to have
your own little shop on Boardwalk and to turn all the play
money into the real thing.
14) You sit through
every TV commercial, while your spouse is getting a sandwich,
because you don't want to miss an
important brainstorming session or to laugh at other people's
marketing efforts.
15) You feel a rush
every time your competitor comes out with a new product or service
so you go home, lock yourself in your
office, and frantically search for a new (better!) product
idea.
16) You eat in front of
your computer so much you keep a salt and pepper shaker on
your desk.
17) You feel you need to
lose a few pounds and you start exercising in front of your
computer…while sitting down.
18) You have considered
buying, or already bought, a car with Internet access.
19) You consider search
engine optimization and positioning a fun, competitive sport.
20) You are usually
working when everyone else is asleep…and working when they are
awake.
21) You check your
e-mail every five minutes hoping to see the message, "You have
another sale..."
22) You check your
e-mail during TV commercials.
23) You clean your
computer desk once a year, of course only if someone complains.
24) You click on traffic
exchange links when you are unmotivated to work so you can at
least generate a little extra traffic
to your web site.
25) Your ideal vacation
is to go to Las Vegas or Hawaii for an Internet marketing seminar.
26) You always have a
good excuse prepared for your significant other so you can stay
on the computer longer.
27) You have considered
starting an offline business but you figured it would be too
much work. You only work 18 hours a
day now.
28) You
don't have enough time to read all the business e-zines you
subscribe to. (Boy, this one STUNG me! I don't have
time to read the TITLES of all the ezines I subscribe to, let alone
the contents! But boy do I feel educated!)
29) Your grocery bill is
getting higher and higher from all the coffee you are drinking.
30) You think fast food
drive-throughs aren't fast enough because you will have to leave
the computer, so you call the local
pizza delivery place instead.
31) You feel guilty when
your significant other notices you are on a non-business related
web site when you told them you had
to work. But you just say, "I was taking a 10-minute
break, like at a real job."
32) You feel like you
are leaving your kids at a stranger's house when it's finally time
to shut down the computer.
33) You are constantly
worrying that you might lose unsaved information, so you back
up your computer 3 different ways
every hour.
34) You consider
Internet marketing an entertaining hobby instead of work.
35) You have ever
wondered how Larry Dotson (me…lol) finds the time to write all
those free tip articles.
36) You have ever
imagined retiring right after you've joined the next greatest income
opportunity.
37) You have ever joined
a network marketing opportunity thinking you wouldn't have to
do any work because there is
"spill-over."
38) You have ever tried
to figure out if an e-mail was really personalized, or just
personalized bulk e-mail, so you
might not have to respond to it.
39) Your idea of
entertainment is catching up on reading all of the free Internet
marketing e-zines, e-books
and e-courses you have saved.
40) Your significant
other has ever asked you what's on TV and you say, "I'll look
it up online!" but
really you just wanted a reason to get back on the computer.
41) You have witnessed
two or more Internet marketers feuding via e-mail or an online
discussion forum.
42) You have exactly
modeled a famous Internet marketer and still come up way short of
your income goals.
43) You have experienced
a really bad sales month and you thought you might have to
get a real job.
44) You have a real job
and check your Internet business e-mail on your lunch breaks.
45) You have been asked
to be interviewed for a business-related e-book or article.
46) You
have a to-do list somewhere near or on your computer. (Even
after decades of online and offline marketing, I STILL make out a
daily "to do" list. And I'm still not sure whether
it SAVES me time by helping get organized, or COSTS me time makin'
out the dang list!)
47) You have asked for
marketing books for Christmas.
48) You
did most of your Christmas shopping on the computer. (What!?
You mean you DON'T!!!)
49) You or your products
have been cut down at least once in an online discussion forum
by someone that just didn't understand.
50) You have a Clickbank™
account or ID.
51) You have considered
publishing your web site or information product in a different
language to increase sales.
52) You have forgotten
to take a shower because you got up and went straight to the
computer.
53) You have crumbs
somewhere near or on your computer right now.
54) You pretend no one
else can see the dust behind your computer.
55) You keep a small
notebook and pen with you so you don't forget any money-making
ideas that pop into your head.
56) You have had a new
money-making idea right before you went to bed and couldn't
fall asleep.
57) You had to get up
the middle of the night to work on your new money-making idea
because you felt it couldn't wait
till morning.
58) Your idea of
gambling is betting your business buddies on who will get the most
traffic each month.
59) Your significant
other has yelled at you because you stopped at a business channel
when you were flipping to see what
was on TV.
60) You watch TV while
you are working on the computer.
61) You have to replace
your computer chair at least once a year.
62) You get frustrated
in waiting rooms because they don't have any business- or
computer-related magazines to read.
63) You met your
significant other on the computer while you were working on your
Internet business.
64) You have a list of
financial goals somewhere near or on your computer.
65) You always find some
way to lure your friends or company over to your computer
while they are visiting so you can
show off.
66) You have permanent
coffee cup rings on your computer desk.
67) You read all your
e-mail and an hour later there are 50 more to check.
68) You
like reading spam to get money-making ideas. (Maybe not
money-MAKING ideas, but I get great ideas for subject lines and ad
copy!)
69) You
have ever received a check for something you don't remember
promoting. (I know it kinda sounds like I'm bein'
pretentious, but every once in awhile I DO get checks for stuff I
haven't promoted for YEARS!)
70) Your significant
other sends you an e-mail instead of telling you dinner is done.
71) Your significant
other tells you twenty times "dinner is ready" and you
don't hear them till the
twenty-first time, when you see a "UFO" shooting across
your computer.
72) You have ever fed
your newborn while you were working on your Internet business.
73) You delete most of
the jokes that are forwarded to you because you have way too
many marketing e-mail newsletters to
read.
74) Your competition or
any business has released a new product and you said to yourself,
"Why didn't I think of that?"
75) You can remember 20
affiliate program and membership web site passwords but can't
remember your family members' birthdays.
76) Your friends and
family give you dumbfounded looks when you tell them what you
do for a living.
77) You have confused a
computer salesman when you start telling them what you will
be using the computer for.
78) You wake in the
middle of the night to use the bathroom and sign on to your
computer to check your sales and
traffic statistics.
79) You wake up in the
morning and start checking your business and customer e-mails
before your coffee is even done.
80) Your best friends
live in different states or countries.
81) You make sure you
have access to the Internet, your computer files and e-mail
before you travel or go on vacation.
82) You have been late
for an appointment or date because you got lost in all your e-mail
messages.
83) You have ever
started feeling nauseous when you found out your computer wasn't
working. Then you figure out it was
just a loose wire and feel like you've won the lottery.
84) You have ever
started worrying that you might have been falsely accused of
spamming because your web site is
down.
85) You have not checked
your e-mail for 10 minutes and it shows no new messages, and
you start to wonder if your ISP's spam filter is blocking your
important e-mail.
86) You have not checked
your e-mail since last night and it only shows 300 messages,
and you start to wonder if your ISP's
spam filter is blocking your important e-mail.
87) You
can run an Internet business but can't program a DVD player. (I
actually giggled and blushed when I read THIS one! I've always
told you guys what a "techno-idiot" I am and it's SO true!
God help me if I accidentally sit on the universal remote for my TV;
I'm LOST until I can get my teenage son to re-program it for me!)
88) You
wear flip flops, socks, slippers or go barefoot while you are
working. (Why izzat so bad!? For four months a year,
I wear nothing BUT flip flops, shorts, and big, floppy Hawaiian
shirts!)
89) Your favorite snack
is always sitting by your computer.
90) You have ever
wondered how Joe Vitale finds the extra time to write all those
product testimonials.
91) You keep begging
your friends to get a computer and/or Internet access so you can
get them in your downline.
92) You keep begging
your friends to get a computer and/or Internet access so you can
chat and have a beer together on
Friday nights.
93) You keep begging
your friends to get a computer and/or Internet access so you can
drink beer and play Internet poker on
Saturday nights.
94) You have come out of
a movie saying, "I could make money doing that."
95) You have come out of
a movie saying, "That would be a good product idea."
96) You have printed out
your home page and framed it.
97) You put your URL on
your personal Christmas cards to increase sales.
98) You only listen to
online radio stations.
99) You thought you were
going to make tens of thousands of dollars when you bought
that first e-zine ad that went out to
20,000 people.
100) You thought you
were going to be an instant millionaire when you first started your
online business.
101) You have withdrawal
symptoms when you run out of money-making opportunities to
join.
102) You have made a
whole pot of coffee at 1 o'clock in the morning so you can stay
awake longer to finish your next
marketing project.
103) You and your
significant other have arguments that you are on the computer too
long.
104) You ignore that you
have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome because you don't feel you have
the extra time to have the surgery,
and just figure someday you'll be getting that "talkingto-type"
headset.
105) You
forget how to write with a pencil and pen. ('way back in
school, I used to win awards for penmanship; now my writing
looks like a poorly-trained baboon did it!)
106) You sneak out of
bed at night so you can see if you have received that
"important" email message
that you have been expecting.
107) You figure your
nosy neighbors look through your windows and say something like,
"He/She is on that computer
again!"
108) You have thought of
a profitable product idea and wrote it down so you could work
on it in the future, then you see
someone else released almost the exact same product you
just thought of.
109) You sign on and
immediately get an instant chat message about a new business
opportunity from one of your Internet
marketing buddies.
110) Your significant
other kisses or hugs you at the computer more than any other area
in your house.
111) You have bought a
speed reading course so you'll have time to read all the business
information products you've bought or are subscribed to. (But you
can't find the time to
read the speed reading course!)
112) You have taken
no-sleeping aids to work on your Internet business because coffee
just wasn't strong enough.
113) You have ever
dreamed about owning Google™ or eBay™.
114) You have
self-proclaimed yourself an Internet marketing expert after reading
your first Internet
marketing course.
115) You check your
business e-mail every hour but forget to check your snail mail.
116) You get so much
e-mail that you believe stamps will be $1.00 each when your kids
are older.
117) You have ever burnt
your dinner because you got too involved in marketing your
online business.
118) You have over 400
Internet marketing bookmarks.
119) You get cramps in
your "clicker finger."
120) You have the urge
to type "com" or "biz" after any business
related word or period you
type.biz…lol
121) You have the urge
to type "http://www." before you type business-related
words.
122) You find yourself
double clicking on things other than your mouse, like stereo
buttons, remote control buttons,
microwave buttons, etc.
123) You'd rather listen
to a motivational or success CD than a music CD.
124) You have the phrase
"Internet marketing" burned into your glasses or contact
lenses.
125) You get excited
when you actually get a phone call or snail mail from a fellow
Internet marketer.
126) Your significant
other is getting jealous of your computer and considers it their
only competition because
you rarely leave the house.
127) You start to
salivate when you get ready to use the computer after not being on
it for a while.
128) You know who these
people are: Yanik Silver, Anthony Blake, Jim Daniels, Corey
Rudl, Mark Joyner, Marlon Sanders,
Joe Vitale, etc., to name a few.
129) You've automated
your entire Internet business and hired a few employees, but you
still don't have the free time
because you start working on another new, money-making product.
130) You e-mail yourself
business reminders.
131) You talk to your
computer about non-business stuff more than your significant
other.
132) You rush home after
golf to check your business e-mail.
133) You are a fellow
"Warrior."
134) You have ever been
motivated by a movie or song to improve your Internet business.
135) You pack your lunch
in the morning before you walk over to your home computer.
136) You've used
emoticons ( ;) , lol ) on your snail or direct mail.
137) You have ever
wished you had a bigger opt-in e-mail list because it's never big
enough.
138) You start using
emoticons ( lol ) in your offline business and personal conversations.
139) You have notes
stuck all over your desk and computer that have
"important" business
and marketing ideas written on them.
140) You have ever
co-created a product to sell with another marketer without meeting
them in person or talking to them on
the phone.
141) You have ever
thought you are going to make enough money to retire by changing a
few words in your headline.
142) You get a strange
look when you talk about autoresponders to non-Internet marketers.
143) You don't read or
buy the newspaper anymore.
144) You eat breakfast,
lunch and dinner with one hand on the mouse.
145) You can type with
one hand better than most people can with two hands.
146) You have to sweep
around your computer more than the rest of the house.
147) You listen to
Anthony Robbins while working on your computer.
148) You start calling
TV Dinners - PC Dinners.
149) You have wondered
at least once if there is help available for people who are
addicted to Internet marketing.
150)
Your coffee pot sits next to your computer. (Well, of
COURSE! Where ELSE would it be!!!)
151) Your alarm clock is
next to your computer.
152) You are currently
involved in multiple affiliate program and network marketing
opportunities.
153) You have ever
attempted to create an information product to sell or give away.
154) You
get bored when you are away from your computer for too long.
155) You get paranoid
when someone wants to use your computer because you are worried
they may accidentally delete important information.
156) You get motivated
by reading other Internet marketers’ success stories then, of
course, bought their product to see
all the details on how they did it.
157) You have ever
wondered if your friends and family think you have no life because
every time they visit, you are always
sitting in front of the computer.
158) You have a mini
refrigerator beside your computer desk.
159) You have 5 cups of
coffee before you are done checking your e-mail.
160) You get e-mailed a
joint venture marketing opportunity…every hour.
161) You keep an
ashtray, shot glass or spit cup beside your computer so you can
enjoy all your addictions
at the same time.
162) You have told
someone, "I have a good feeling about this one."
163) You have said to
yourself, "If I could just think up that one million dollar
idea."
164) You
wear pajamas, sweats or shorts while you are working. (Across
the street is a little coffee shop that opens early. I'm sorta
known as "that eccentric Internet guy who sits in front of the
shop drinking coffee in his bathrobe." Seriously!)
165) You inhale your
meals so you have longer to work on the computer.
166) You have ever
answered someone's question on an Internet marketing forum just to
get some free publicity.
167) You worry that you
might get a tumor from being in front of the computer too long.
168) You have checked
your e-mail messages in the middle of a party.
169) You talk to
yourself (out loud) in front of your computer.
170) You
spend Friday nights working on your Internet business. (Who
doesn't!?)
171) You feel that only
other Internet marketers can really understand what you are
talking about.
172) You have multiple
e-mail addresses for different purposes, like personal, e-zines,
article submissions, joint ventures,
etc.
173) You check your
e-mail messages before you check your voice mail.
174) You talk to your
friends and family via e-mail more than you do in person.
175) You have been asked
at least once by your significant other to promise not talk
about your Internet business on a
special occasion or date.
176) You have thought
about getting a tattoo of your business logo or web site.
177) You ask business
people in the offline world for their e-mail address instead of
their telephone number.
178) You have turned
down sex more than once to work on your Internet business.
179) You have offline
friends that are computer and Internet experts in case you have a
major technical crisis.
180) You have friends
that tell you, "Give it up and get a real job!" because
they are jealous.
181) You have dreams
about your Internet business generating millions of dollars.
182) You have ever
called off your 40-hour a week job just to work on your Internet
business.
183) You have too many
membership web sites and affiliate program passwords to remember.
184) You have a
motivational message somewhere near or on your computer.
185) You can easily
redirect and relate any conversation to your Internet business.
186) You feel you may be
missing out on some good gossip or tips if you don't visit
some of the major Internet marketing
forums everyday.
187) You
are reading this e-book at 3 o'clock in the morning. (It's
nothing for me to start my work day at two or three in the morning;
that's when I do my best thinkin' and concentratin' What!?
You think that's strange?)
188) You see or hear the
word "gorilla" and you think of "guerrilla
marketing" instead of an
ape.
189) You panic when you
hear about new virus warnings and instantly start backing-up
your business information.
190) Your screensaver
rotates "web pages" so you can generate extra traffic.
191) You feel the urge
to click on underlined words and phrases in business print
publications.
192) You have more
sources of Internet access than television.
193) Your monthly
Internet access bill exceeds your monthly cable or satellite TV
bill.
194) Your mouse has more
miles on it than your car.
195) You write (type)
your electronic signature more than your handwritten signature.
196) You get excited
when you hear the sound of your computer turning on.
197) You have tons of
web sites but only have time to promote a few of them.
198) You buy every
Internet marketing e-book and product known to man to make sure
you don't miss
any "secret" tips. You usually find one or two secrets out
of every ten ebooks you
buy.
199) You have tons of
Internet business products and ideas started but can't decide
which one will be worth finishing, so
you are now currently working on your next million dollar
idea instead.
200) You print out
Internet marketing e-books and e-zines so you'll have something
interesting to read when you are
absolutely forced to be away from the computer.
Free Bonus: 201) You
said "Yes" to over 75 of these red flags.
In other words, you are
addicted to Internet marketing if you are completely in love,
passionate and obsessed with your
online business, and believe that your ideas (or at least
some of them) can be turned to gold!
The End
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